Real 8-Toe'd Joe To Review KW2? No.

Received an unexpected call today from the real 8-Toe'd Joe, which is a rare treat considering his tarnished past with phones. The guy is hopelessly unable to hold on to a cell. He routinely loses them within six months of purchase, gets a replacement, changes the number, leaves a message on the old line giving a new number, but again loses his phone, gradually resulting in a second message while the first one remains unchanged. And to Joe, the internet is as deep a mystery as quantum mechanics, inexplicable like magic, or fire. Keeping in touch is difficult.

But he retains my number, clearly, and rings me periodically when he's Alabama-bound. He caught me up on how he's moved back to Decatur; how his main squeeze tried to run him down with her car and he fled Louisiana. Typical stuff.

He inquired as to whether or not I'd be blazing through Alabama anytime soon, and I let him down easy. As I spilled the news that "Killer Weed 2" saw DVD release last month, I suddenly realized a glaring oversight. We've shipped DVDs to all principal cast and other contributors like musician Chris Johnson. I was assembling a package for uber-musician Metronome Mike (who remixed our main theme) when 8-Toe'd Joe rang. How could I forget the man himself?

8-Toe'd Joe (pronounced [/ˈʃʊərli, ˈʃɜr-/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunjon·shur·lee]) inspired the one-shot comic "8-Toe'd Joe & The Army of Toes" and became the template for both a hero in KW1 and a villain in KW2. But foremost, he's a friend. I relish memories of him grinning from behind his partial tooth apparatus, rolling cigarettes, drinking bootleg rum from a jar or carton. Making bongs from his own lung. Entertaining in his sedan-come-living-room. Waving his crutch at the motion-sensitive garage light to keep it on. Mowing off his frickin' toes while tending the lawn. That's Joe.

Well, I've got to make this right. I'll drop something in the mail on Monday. But he loses everything (phones, keys, his toes), so it's necessary to send two copies: one for Joe and one for Joe to misplace.

Matt

Yellowhammered

Leading up to its demise in January, Wm. Moses Prods. maintained an informal working relationship with Yellowhammer Films. They crewed the puppet scene at the end of KW2, and Joe Borden (YH actor/writer/producer) got big laughs for his turn as our blind Soothsayer.

Meanwhile Joe and company have kept busy with (literally) dozens of shorts; shorts to end all shorts, as in prepare-to-soak-your-shorts shorts, including the epic "Stacheman" (edited by Scott Draper). I've made appearances in maybe half of these, and continue to do so. One hand washes the other.

Recent example: "THE DUEL" (written/directed by Ben Morehead; starring Jim Patton and myself) is currently WALKING TALL at FunnyOrDie.com and has even garnered a special mention from the site administrator or something.

Frivolous pop cultural wish-wash? Or a well-disguised allegory for the Ugandan Civil War?

THE DUEL/KILLER WEED CROSSOVER EVENT?

A week later we gathered at one of the usual spots to shoot "Zombie Roommate". I was tapped to play the title character. Earlier in the week I constructed a full face appliance, form-fitted to my leathery mug courtesy of the plaster face cast I've had since KW1. I built up the usual clay mask, pinching out lesions and fleshy protrusions, eventually coating it with layers of liquid latex. Powdered it, painted it, plugged up the insides with cotton, and shazam. My zombie mirror self.

Because the mask ended mid-way up my mutant forehead, it was important to cast smaller supplemental appliances meant to attach around the temple, neck and ears. Tied together with thick makeup and latex smears, voilà, a fairly convincing zombie.


Watch "ZOMBIE ROOMMATE" here:

I see the braying masses have already leveled some complaints:

What a bunch of ladies. First of all, Trevor Christian ignores a rich theatrical tradition of zombies in comedy, dating back to the plays of Aristophanes and even Euripedes the noted tragedian. It's an artform as time-honored and indelible as fart noises (another Aristophanes innovation).

Second, "Zombie Priest, Zombie Bus Driver, Zombie Mom"?? Those sound like good movies! I would pay to see those movies; or, if not yet made, I would make them. Jake2223, your sarcasm is not appreciated.*

Matt
*NOTE: Outrageous claims and opinions expressed by the writer are his own and do not represent the views of Yellowhammer Films.

4 Reasons To Buy "Killer Weed 2" on DVD

1. You can't buy it on VHS.
2. The original "Killer Weed" is part of the package! Devotees can warm up on KW1 then cruise fully caught-up into KW2, stopping only for beer runs, smoking, and the occasional poon party!
3. It's several dozens of minutes of entertainment. Think of the gas you'll save while watching all the bonus features. With repeat viewings that becomes a staggering value.
4. You will be more popular. Once people realize you've sprung for le package totale they will totally have a hard-on for you. Women will want you. If you're already a woman, men will want you, particularly if they can't have you. Be patient, ladies. Make them wait. Watch "Killer Weed 2" in the meantime.

To order, email killerweedmovie@gmail.com and put 'PURCHASE' in the subject line. Or, for our friends on Myspace, message us at myspace.com/killerweedmovie -- Matt

Santa's Sweatshop

Director Chris and I spent the entire weekend cranking out the official "Killer Weed 2" DVDs, over a 150 units in various stages of completion. Twenty of which have shipped to vendors in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, available Thursday May 17th at:

Oz Music /506 14th Street / (205) 758- 1222
Egan's Bar / 1229 University Blvd. / (205) 758-9413

The process broke down like so. Chris and I staged in my home office. Scott got on loan a magic DVD-making machine; a wondrifical scientagorical device capable of burning seven copies at once. I fed it blank media at strictly regimented intervals for two days straight, and even after all that time I still have no idea how it works. My best guess: The duplicator contains a pocket universe, an extra-dimensional expanse complete with a tiny society possessing heightened intellect, resources and moral acuity. Had I a little more time, I would have no doubt become their leader, possibly their god.

Chris did quality control, running each disc through a player and checking the menus and video. In between he'd be stacking, sorting and labeling. Not exactly glamorous work. I printed off the labels and jackets, occasionally helping stuff cases, but still pulling duty on the duplicator. The arrangement felt extremely efficient, until after 40 hours' work we realized we'd completed only 10 units. We did however drink two cases of beer. Possibly some causation there.

So we double-timed it, double-teamed it, tag-teamed it, double-tag-teamed it, tag-double-timed it, double-dog-dared it and by Monday morning we had close to 30 units. Still not a lot, but enough for cast/crew freebies and the initial vendor orders.

But I ran the (micro-utopian) duplicator constantly, knowing my time with it was short. The result: Approximately 300 discs! 150 K-discs and 150 W-discs! Over 37,500 hours of "Killer Weed" and KW behind the scenes bullshit! This quite likely had the effect of corrupting that tiny society inside the duplicator. It's a very influential movie!

Between cycles Chris and I collaborated on some posters intended to hang around Tuscaloosa. I already had the needed elements in Photoshop, so we tossed it together and Chris had it printed the same day. He even squeezed off a stack to one of his operatives back east, to be plastered on unauthorized surfaces any day now.

Unfortunately, our timing couldn't be worse. Spring Semester at U. of Alabama ended last week. Much of our fan-base has eroded in the year since the Jupiter premiere. Some have graduated, others have dropped out and moved off. Some fans remained loyal, others less so. Others watched "Killer Weed" while stoned on killer weed and can't remember if they liked it or not.

Hopefully our new Myspace component can help with that. Chris spent some of his QC time on his laptop, laboriously fiddling with codes and templates, trying to put together a presentable profile. Mixed results. Longtime KW contributor Tim Ros has been enlisted for guidance.

Matt

KW2 DVDs Are Here!!

Is this a dream? Exactly three years have passed since "Killer Weed 2" became our dark mistress; Chris holds in his hand the completed 2-disc DVD release! Available for purchase at two out of the way locations!

Each double disc set contains:

• newly polished 53-minute cut of KW2!
  
• docutainment featurette "The Making Of Killer Weed 2"!
• the original "Killer Weed" (42 min)
  
• bonus materials and leftover crap!
  
• easter eggs! You'll never ever find them!
  
• fresh, sick DVD menus "cool"-tested on today's hip youth!

Details pending...

Post Production Stress Disorder

After ages of setbacks, confusion, indecision and infighting, "Killer Weed 2" is finally coming to DVD. Editor Scott has made significant changes to the existing cut, polishing effects and mastering audio, generally cleaning it up and easing clarity. He's compressed the bonus materials and authored the menus, so in a few short weeks we'll go into full-blown distribution mode. Updates to come.

Matt

Poster Proof

Ghoul School

Online and scimming the University of Alabama's student newspaper the other day, I happened upon a very interesting article. Apparently a faculty member from the English Department will teach an interim course devoted entirely to zombies. Devoted to learning about zombies, that is, not to teaching zombies new skills. God help us should they get any smarter than they already are.

Zombies! The Living Dead in Literature, Film and Culture (EN 311-001) will chart our fascination with the undead from their emergence in occult voo doo weirdness to their evolution as "fictional" devices and rapid rise as staples of pop-culture. Instructor Sean Hoade plans to offer every perspective out there, with attention to our shared subconscious fear of all things dead and undead.

This is a great idea. Wish they'd had something like this when I was there; I would've eaten it up like so many human entrails. Which they'll actually be doing. Hoade hopes to mimick the act of cannibalism with things like Jell-O brains (Bill Cosby's brain?) and flesh-flavored tofu (soy rack of Bill Cosby?).

Another class activity that sounds fun is loping around campus in full zombie makeup, moaning and lurching at "prey." Indeed, this could be a blast, but may just as likely lead to injuries and/or lawsuits as some grade-grubbers will undoubtedly take the matter too far and start biting with abandon. This is how Hepatitis spreads, people.

Still, the course premise is so strong it could easily expand into a semester-long affair. Hell, why stop there? How many young people know the basics for surviving an attack, like how to operate a shotgun or sucking the poison out of a zombie bite? My opinion: Form an entirely new Department of Zombology, purposed with defining, understanding, and combatting this long-ignored menace. Develop fields of study like zombie psychology, pathology, astrology and linguistics. Perhaps in the future, being pre-zombie will carry the same status as being pre-law or pre-med, and internships in zombie study centers and detention camps will be the norm.

Until then, this class is man's last best hope.

Matt

Wm. Moses Memorial F.A.Q.

History and culture are rife with legendary partnerships, team-ups, duos and unlikely alliances. Examples:

Barnum and Bailey – After spending years as competitors, P.T. Barnum and James Bailey joined forces and built what could only be described as a super circus, contracting huge numbers of previously unemployed clowns and monkeys. The U.S. economy soared and crime rates dropped.

Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis – Together the two were thrice as strong as the Rat Pack at its thickest, so 2(1) x 3 = 6 points against the 5 in the Rat Pack (with respect to Joey Bishop and the other guy) with a bonus point for Sailor Beware; decision: Martin/Lewis.

Hi & Lois – This Beetle Bailey spin-off concerned a husband and wife raising the quintessential 1950’s nuclear family; socially significant because in 1976 Lois became the first syndicated comic-strip character to be brutally raped.

Paul Bunyan and Babe the Blue Ox – Founded Canada.

Jake & The Fatman – Pretty boy Jake Styles did the legwork investigating murder suspects; DA Jason “Fatman” McCabe woke up in puddles of his own waste with bits of turkey mired in his teeth, lips dripping with Worcestershire sauce, thinking about maple syrup.

Billy and Jimmy Lee (the Double Dragon brothers) – Kicked ass, and right there in the name, Double Dragon, meaning twice the usual compliment of dragons.

Mork & Mindy – Usually more Mork, less Mindy, though Mindy lent a certain Je ne sais quoi to Mork’s incessant Na-nu Na-nu.

Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills as seen in the film Parent Trap – Not technically separate people but still more formidable together than apart.

rice and beans – A simple yet nutritious source of iron.

Simon and Garfunkel – The seminal folk duo taught us about silent sounds and forbidden MILF romance. Not to be confused with:

Simon & Simon – The brothers/detectives from the 1980’s TV show. Lived on a boat.

penis and vagina – For time immemorial, penis has sought vagina and vagina penis, though sometimes penis seeks penis and vagina seeks refuge.

Scott and I don’t qualify as legends, or celebrities, or people of note, but we are a couple of dicks. We had a storied partnership, and now it’s gone to ground. That is, we’ve reached an indefinite (possibly permanent) separation, and it's time to tell the kids. Wish I could say Wm. Moses Prods. went out in a hail of bullets like Bonnie and Clyde, but it’s more akin to plants dying by neglect, withering and going brittle for lack of water.

What happened? Find out below in the:

WM. MOSES MEMORIAL FAQ

• Why the split? Scott's priorities shifted during the months after the Tuscaloosa premiere. KW2 director Chris Merritt and producer Matt Stewart grew increasingly frustrated by mounting delays on the DVD. This culminated in a lengthy confrontation pitting Matt against Scott. Chris alone kept a level head, and gradually steered them to compromise.

• I thought KW2 was already finished; what’s wrong with the premiere cut? Certain external factors were at play, leaving us without a complete edit until just a day before showtime. Consequently, the final act lacked layers of polish afforded earlier scenes.

• What’s the current status of KW2? Scott is still implementing missing touches on the final act and hopes to deliver mid-March.

• Are you still releasing a DVD? Yes. When? Difficult to say. Lots of practical questions persist. Hopefully we’ll launch the DVD this summer.

• Will the DVD include all the extras previously mentioned? Yes.

• How will DVDs be distributed? TBD. The official KW website is all but a relic, but between Blogspot and Myspace, Facebook, Friendster, Friendspot, Facespace, and SpaceFace, there are ample outlets for arranging sales.

• I don’t give a shit; can’t I just watch KW2 online? Click here for the premiere cut.
  

• Are Scott and Matt now mortal enemies, à la Liu Kang and Shang Tsung? No. Scott initiated a heartfelt discussion in which the two patched things up and hugged it out. A Mary and Rhoda-type reunion isn’t out of the question.

KW2 Headlines: Wm. Moses Prods. Disbands

Wm. Moses Prods. has rung down the curtain. It's dead. Kaput. Deep-sixed. Run over by a car. Taken to go live on a farm with lots of space to run around and play in.

I won't elaborate just now. It's too soon. I need time. But the many people who worked so hard on KW2 are owed some sort of explanation, so expect a formal statement down the road. And a primetime newsconference with Wm. Moses' family.

It's certainly the end of an era. Scott and I were a movie-making team for six years. On hearing the death rattle, it didn't count for much.

Matt