Enter Nega-Duck

"In the end, there can only be one." -- Highlander

It's come to my attention that there's another Matt Stewart on the loose. And he blogs.

Click here for a full account of his recent steak dinner at Outback.

Not surprisingly, Bizarro Matt Stewart's posts are like a lot of live-journals out there. Random, mundane entries about work, friends and family. Unpolished anecdotes chronicling every fascinating detail of his day. Long meandering tales of minor non-adventures, like eating, sleeping and breathing.

Click here to learn how he was forced to replace his utility knife.

The aggravating factor is that this human echo provides zero context within any given entry as to who his friends are or why we should give a toss.

I know what goes on. I'm aware that many blogs have an intimate readership and that this is more of a diary than anything, but diaries are lame. (Apologies to Anne Frank)

Click here for "Matt's" unbridled exuberance over the latest Star Wars novel.

I know I can be cruel. I can be petty, belligerent and begrudging. And the plain truth is, this other Matt Stewart didn't do anything to me. He actually seems like a nice guy. The only cause for skewering him is that he shares my name and could easily ruin it.

Click here to read about the day he updated his website.

There's another possibility I haven't overlooked. Multiverse theory holds that everyone has an opposite self, with infintessimal variations there-between. Granted, Bizarro Matt Stewart looks nothing like me, but if you squint your eyes after gouging them out with an icepick you can kinda see it.

If this is true, if Bizarro Matt Stewart is indeed my counterpart on an alternate earth, then one of two things has occurred. Either:

A) We're caught in some kind of trans-dimensional blognet vortex meant to unite the two Matt Stewarts for the purpose of doing good (perhaps defeating another Matt Stewart?)
or...
B) This other Matt Stewart has travelled from his dimension to ours intent on killing and replacing the Matt Stewart you know and love. And I just can't have that.

Consider yourself warned, other me.

truly,
Matt

La Vita è Abominabile

I'm left with little to say. Virtually no work has taken place on KW2 over the past month and a half. A lot of outstanding business remains undone. This may come as a surprise since I spent my last post grousing about having nothing to do now that the movie is "finished".

It is finished as far as I'm concerned. It's Scott who bears the rest on his shoulders. Time was so tight leading up to the premiere that a few shortcuts were taken in post-production. He's got a number of things to tidy up, all of which seems super technical, possibly involving advanced telekinesis. I've said it before and I'll say it again, Scott's methods are a mystery to me, and trying to understand them is akin to figuring out a way to poop without peeing.

In any case, nothing's getting done. Scott's waiting on an external hard drive (containing all our media) to be shipped out from Birmingham where the premiere version was cut. Why the hold-up? Who knows. Scott keeps saying that it's "in the mail," but it's been long enough to where I'm wondering if he and Chris Merritt haven't shanghaied my movie and sold it to the godless Chinese (admitted film pirates and known zombie enthusiasts).

Sigh. I'm forced to occupy myself with the triviality of day-to-day life. Those who know me will tell you: I hate life.

And, for once, I'm not joking. I've got a few typical complaints like, "Life isn't fair," "Life's a bitch" and so on, but there's one thing I never say: "Life is too short."

I view life as an impediment to accomplishment. I often wonder how many zombie films I could produce if somehow I were to evolve beyond the need for food and sleep. I barely eat as it is, but if I can kick this pesky rest requirement I might someday rule the world. And you know what that means. Global nudity.

Then there's the administrative and maintenance aspects of life. I seem wholly incapable of paying bills until they're a minimum of one day past due. I pay no real attention to my health, preferring instead to let an apparent intestinal disorder go unchecked. My teeth, feet, and chest hurt, in that order. I can't be counted on to clean house, or do dishes, or wash my car, or get the oil changed, or keep non-industry appointments. Life is an inconvenience to talent, but there's simply no way to divide the two.

The completion of KW2 left a vacuum for sure. I whiled away the boredom for a couple weeks by inventing KW2-related work like Photoshopping a press kit and closing out the deliverables notebook. I helped crank out our first few festival entries. That kept me busy for ten minutes, then it was downhill again as I couldn't conjure up any more bullshit activities.

Later, a new reality would dawn: I might have to get a job. After spending months on the dole and essentially doing what I love to do, there's not a snowball's chance in Uruguay that I'll ever again buckle down for a longterm nine-to-five gig.

I got some freelance work as an illustrator for an upstart fashion designer, drawing up designs for her new line of lingerie. I've never worn lingerie (sober), so I'm not really wise to what's sexy and what's not. I do know colors. I was given a specific idea of what was wanted, then took over from there.

Pictured to the right is one such ensemble. Pretty hot. Now imagine it on a much better looking chick. Even hotter.

But before, during and after this, I was doing something I hadn't done in years. I was writing a feature-length screenplay. A horror film.

I spent three weeks in June vomiting out a rough draft, after which I brought in my five-year writing partner Allan McLeod for revisions. A brilliant guy all around, Allan corrected me on several loose areas and helped salvage an admittedly thin first act...

Interested parties are encouraged to invest in adult diapers.

Life sucks,
Matt

Festivals

We just finished our first round of festival entries, and preparations are underway for a DVD release. We're going all criterion on your asses and releasing a special double disk set that will contain not only KW2, but KW1 as well and a fuckton of extras.

Shriekfest, Sidewalk, and Woodstock were our first three festival entries... keep your fingers crossed.

Also, peep the KW2 premiere photo gallery here.