Anyone with an ear to the tracks know that San Diego hosted the 27th annual Comi-Con this weekend. A magical gathering where dork meets dweeb, nerd meets geek, and dork-geek hybrids co-mingle with dweeb-nerd hybrids all vying for coveted spaz status; where fantasy is king and the kingdom is thriving.Despite having lived in Southern California for four years, this was my first outing to Comi-Con. Joining me in the adventure was Chris Merritt, his girlfriend Tallie, and my future brother-in-law Doug (down from Sacramento). We went Saturday only, which wasn't nearly enough time to drink in all the costumes, booths, panels and celebrities, but we made the most of our time.
RESISTANCE IS FUTILE
We'd barely entered the showroom before I was accosted by a Klingon Borg and assimilated, becoming half-man, half-machine. Just as well, because I was feeling out of place amid all the costumed revelers, and the eyepiece afforded a certain amount of camouflage. Resistance really is futile in such an environment; you can be a casual fan of sci-fi or manga or whatever, but seeing these people, you just want to belong, to have as much fun as they're having, to visit the extreme if only for a while.Early on I found myself correcting some idiot behind a table as to the association of the Borg with the Star Trek franchise as opposed to Star Wars. I was at home all right.
ENGLUSH TEA
For most of my adult life I've been told I bear an uncanny resemblance to Robert Englund. And there he was at Booth 814 signing autographs. I idled up
to meet him, understandably alarming the security detail on quipping that he might be my biological father. But they let me through and I was able to shake Freddy Krueger's hand and tell him what I'd always been told: that he was either A) my dad; or B) my extra-dimensional counterpart. He didn't seem to care; he was more interested in shilling new projects like the Nightmare on Elm Street prequel. I tell you, if not for advances in reverse-aging makeup techniques, that'd be me playing young Krueger. Perhaps I should have taken this opportunity to slip strychnine in his tea and offer my services to Newline as heir to the throne.Legal disclaimer: The above is a joke. No harm will come to Robert Englund.
GEORGE TAKEI THINKS WE'RE GAY
Easily the funniest story from Saturday came when waiting in line to meet George Takei of "Sulu" and The Green Berets fame, late of Heroes. Both Chris and I are huge Star Trek goons. Chris purchased the requisite photo for autographing and I tagged along just to meet the man. We listened as Takei spoke with someone about how fat his partner was getting. (He came out of the closet last year, you know. Glad he has that kind of moral courage, much as Sulu did in helping the renegade Enterprise from his captain's chair on the Excelsior in Star Trek VI!)
Takei gave a full minute-plus account of how his boyfriend was ballooning, citing menu items and junk-food favorites. Chris and I ate this up; he was every bit as jolly and easy-going as his Howard Stern appearances would lead one to believe. Finally, Chris got his turn in line, and Takei turned Chris' obvious glee around on him, saying "It's certainly an honor to meet you too, Chris. Oh my." I piped up, saying, "I'm with Chris and just wanted to say hello." This stirred his soul, Takei responding in his characteristic baritone, "Oh, you're with Chris; weeell, I'm glaaaaad to hear thaaat!" with resounding verve and suggestive enthusiasm. Although Chris picked up on it right away, I was too starstruck to realize: George Takei thought we were lovers! We laughed about this for hours after, and on the car ride home, imitating his voice and playing with the action figure Chris had been given for his efforts. In retrospect, we'd likely have taken him up on a threesome.PUSHING "KILLER WEED"
Part of our goal at Comi-Con was finding a like-minded demographic to whom we could sell our abundance of KW2 DVDs. It quickly became apparent that no right-minded convention-goer would drop cash on our shitty little movie when there was plentiful "real" merchandise to be bought from established franchises. Chris and I staid up 'til 5 a.m. the morning before assembling double-disc sets, only to find ourselves giving them away. But not to just anybody.
We scouted the events book for panels featuring celebs in tune with our comic sensibilities, narrowing it down to forums likely to be sparsely crowded and conducive to rushing
the stage for autographs and hand-shaking. I played my hand very shrewdly, visiting certain meeting rooms toward the end of discussion, then prying through the audience to get to panelists and moderators. Chris and I met writer/director Steve Oedekerk (Back in the Barnyard, Kung Pow! Legend of the Fist) whereupon I hailed him as an easy favorite when it came to shaping my comedic upbringing. He was the most gracious and welcoming man, very nice, and even asked me my name when I handed off the complimentary dvd.Opportunity knocked when I happened upon Seth Green darting around between
booths, less a celebrity in this moment, more a Comi-Con ticket holder trying to enjoy himself. Chris was impressed with the ease with which I slithered through the crowd, which was mobbing him for photos, eating up his time as he tried to get to some event or other. I made it brief, simply lauding his work on Greg the Bunny and Robot Chicken and handing off our movie. He was gracious if not grateful, perhaps a little surprised that someone was attempting to give rather than take.The third hand-off was to Mike Nelson (of Mystery Science Theater 3000 fame, now making movies with The Film Crew).
He and the other two modern MST3k guys were holding court in a room not too far away from a Troma Films panel, the two overlapping by about 30 minutes. I joined Troma for the first portion, watching clips and watching the clock, waiting for the moment I would slip away and into the Film Crew panel. Getting in took a bit of conniving, as security wouldn't let me in through the exit, nor the entrance. I ultimately went back to the exit, convinced the doorman that I was trying to return to the room after a hasty bathroom break, got a reentry pass and gained access through the front doors right as the questioning was ending. I fought my way up to the stage, intending to bestow copies unto all three members, but was only able to catch Nelson at the door. In 15 seconds I told him how influential MST3k had been on me; how I'd like him to take my movie as a return on all the laughs he'd provided over the years. He seemed pleased and appreciative.
Then it was back to Room 1A for the second half of Troma. I tried to ask a question (re: "Pot Zombies") but was curtailed. However, nothing would stop me from walking up to Lloyd Kauffman (Troma Films dictator-for-life) and getting KW2 into his hands. Nothing but Kauffman, that is. Doug asked him for a picture, and we literally had to chase him all over the room as he said his goodbyes to other Troma-ites to get it. He never forgot about us and as an added bonus even pulled Rose Ghavami (star of the upcoming Poultrygeist) into frame. Made my day.Possibly, some handouts will wind up in the landfill. But it's the thrill that counts. Altogether, a very fulfilling Comi-Con.
Matt
